Breaking-Apart

Band-Aid Part II

2011-12-12T16:26:00.000-08:00

It occurred to me that the principal behind band aid is often more difficult than a few words. But ultimately the goal is to be finished. Don't maintain simply a phsyical relationship. And if you want to have a successful friendship, probably a little break is a good thing. Often it is difficult if there is no break to lay out new guidelines to the new path of your relationship.

This writer in particular theorized Band Aid when I was divorcing my ex husband. And he left the house and once it was determined reconciliation couldn't be met; I took the steps necessary to see to it that it was absolutely ended.

More recently I find myself in the similar situation. Though no legal; financial; nor residential ties to break. This time, it feels more of an emotional tie. And I don't know if perhaps that is because there was more of a physical attraction or perhaps just because I rebuilt my heart; for it to be broken. Whatever the case may be. My band-aid action took two tries.

And what finally assisted was distraction. And it reminded me that I had a similar distraction when I broke from my marriage. And while I don't condone cheating WHAT SO EVER. Totally a disrespectful thing to do - in my opinion. I began a flirtation to help break emotionally from a situation that was no good. Because the distraction helps. The new-ness soothes. The fun helps you forget and move on.

So...to anyone finding it difficult..there is my advice. Find a distraction. Doesn't have to be a person. Could be the gym...could be a new organization...activity...but Distraction.

Band-Aid

2011-09-20T14:50:00.000-07:00

So, I had not intended for there to be such a delay between my first post and then a follow-up. Just so much material, and I really had no idea where I wanted to start. But as fate would have it...the demise of another relationship in my circle of friends had me recycling and revising some thoughts as I counseled my friend.

So, step by step. Let me explain the term Band-Aid...comparing that bad (or perceived bad) relationship like that band-aid you just absolutely dread removing. This is truly the best comparison, because the band aid that is removed in one quick motion, has that initial pain and discomfort but it subsides quickly. The band aid that is just left to its own devices (a few showers) becomes glued on, and still hurts when removed, but then in addition leaves that gooey residue that you have to sit and pick at. That attracts dirt, sticks to your clothes...I could go on and on...but thanks to Johnson & Johnson I believe that we are all familiar with this process.

Ultimately, the advice here : RIP THE BAND-AID OFF! You know it is going to hurt but butter to rip it off quickly and have it done than to peel slowly, extending the unnecessary agony beyond a reasonable timeline. Don't delay...or "wean" off a person just delaying the inevitable. If this person doesn't make you go "WOW" anymore; or not able to give you what you need; don't waste your time or their time any longer. Life is truly too short to not drive on and pursue what makes you happy.

Now, this is much easier said than done when there is not "straw that broke the camels back" action or anything specific to draw on except for maybe not providing your required emotional fulfillment. In those cases, it can be a lot more emotional. Because there is nothing wrong with this person, but you are rational enough to know that you need to move on. Again, Band-Aid and know that if this person is agonizing at your departure and tells you so, but things are not going to change. Remember this mantra - manipulation. This person is being manipulative..and abuses your affection in that passive aggressive way.

Whew...so there is that. Once the Band-Aid is removed...Phase 1 is about to begin! Time to shape up...and move up!

Inaugural Post

2011-08-31T12:33:00.000-07:00

Finally getting it done. This month marks so many anniversaries. What would have been my 10 year wedding anniversary, what is the 6 year transplant anniversary, my second anniversary of my break up...and of course my birthday.

Shortly after the demise of my relationship, I began composing this "book" chronicling my process. What I was doing, how I was doing, etc.

Seeing as my break up was weeks before my 30th birthday, it seemed as if my social circle was all experiencing a flux and break ups were occurring left and right.

And soon what began as little memos, became shared emails...until now after enough nudging I have decided to take it public...see if I can offer any guidance or insight to those of you who are starting the process or perhaps find yourself caught in a step in the process.

So, born of one break-up, and fueled with information from many break-ups it became clear that there was a real necessity of having guidelines and following said guidelines through the process of breaking apart. Because in the end, you are not breaking up...there is nothing to break up. You are breaking apart. And it is how you hold it together and come out in the end that matters.